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Wednesday, May 5, 2010

my friends and their thoughs....

i admit it...im not much of a writer...i have so many views, thoughts, feelings that i just am not good at getting them to "paper"....but i have very talented friends that are great writers... so when i read something that i really connect to...i just steal from them... :)

my awesome friend Katie wrote this....

"Judgment~
I've been wanting to blog about this for awhile and have been trying to decide which angle to address it from because let's face it...as soon as I throw out a belief I have or a parenting choice I've made, people reading this have an opinion of me and they will judge me based on that opinion. It's really hard not to, and I get it because I do it too. Usually I don't mind when I feel judged by others because I'm pretty confident in my choices...but still. Mothers judge other mothers. Maybe not out loud, but they do in their head every day. And how can you not? Obviously the choices you make for your family are the ones you feel are right, so if someone else does it differently, it seems wrong.

For the most part I truly believe that you have to do whatever works for you and your family (different strokes for different folks right?) and I try not to give unsolicited advice or opinions UNLESS someone asks me and then I will be more than happy to ramble on. I am blessed to know many moms and babies and we don't all do things the same. In fact, by getting to know them, I have come to respect many of the differences that we have and the choices we have made. I've also learned that you can find solid research to back up whatever choice you want to support, you just have to decide which side to listen to!

I am truly blessed to know people who......
had planned pregnancies, unplanned pregnancies
had natural births, medicated births, c-sections, home births
circumcise their boys, didn't circumcise, vaccinate, don't vaccinate
co-sleep, use a crib, use a floor bed
breastfeed infants, breastfeed toddlers, use formula,
use doctors, use chiropractors, use acupuncturists
cloth diaper, use disposables, use elimination communication (you're googling aren't you)
are working moms, are stay at home moms, etc.

Becoming a mother has made me feel more judged by others and also made me more judgmental. At the same time though being a mom has helped me see that there aren't always black and white decisions...some things are gray...and some things that I think are black and white, I'm learning to shrug and say "agree to disagree"! Some days I can celebrate the differences, but some days I do find myself thinking that I know best.

I don't know if I have a point to this post other than rambling my thoughts (and hey it's something deeper than a cute pic of my kid with a fun title), but I guess I'm wondering do all moms feel this way? What do you do when you start to feel judgmental towards others? What do you do when people say judgmental things to you? Inquiring minds want to know!"

6 comments:

Ryan and Katie said...

Aw I'm flattered that you linked to my blog but check your link...it's to some 14 year old European girls page :) Ours is Ryanandkatie.blogspot.com haha!
Hope to see you soon!

fearlesschef said...

Wow... this was very well put. And I would have to agree with each statement. Thanks for passing this along!

sarah marshall said...

i think as women we judge eachother at all stages of life. its very wrong to do but very much in our "nature". i apriciatge all of the mothers ive run into who have very different thinking than i because ive adopted many techniques and useful tricks along the way. this mother of 3 is learning things from new mothers more than experienced ones i think because new mothers arent set in there ways they love to try new things and i hope i continue to do so also! thanks to christy and many other newer moms for letting this veteran have new experiences.

~Christy said...

OHHH MY GOODNESS!!! im so sorry katie!!! i will fix it right now!!!!!

Anonymous said...

All I know is this...I wish i would have been half the fantastic mom with my two that you are with Piper...I so look up to you even though my two are grown. You are the finest and wisest young mom I know. (way to go Deb- you are a great role model, that is evident!) We are truly blessed,huh? Happy Mother's Day, Sweetie.
I Love you,
Nan-Nan

Jennifer said...

Great post. I didn't realize how judgemental I was until I became a mother. Now I hope that I do less judging and more learning from others. Each person is uniquely made by the Lord and that's something to celebrate! Thanks for sharing.